In February I shared one of my words for 2024 which was Delight. My other word for 2024 is discomfort.
I choose the word discomfort, as a reminder that we don’t grow with some change and often discomfort. Our muscles don’t get stronger without discomfort. We don’t learn something new without the discomfort of it being a bit challenging or unknown before it comes familiar and comfortable. We don’t new experiences if we don’t push ourselves to places of discomfort.
I am not saying I think everything needs to be hard. I am also not pushing myself to places of discomfort in all areas of my life at once (I also have some places and times where I am just floating). But I do realize that one of the best things I could do is to become more comfortable with discomfort.
So far this year, discomfort for me has looked like me saying yes to some things I wanted to say no to. It has looked like me initiating conversations and activities that were not necessary but did make my life better. It has looked like me running a little bit further than I thought I could.
Pushing myself to do things I find uncomfortable may not always lead to success and happiness, but not doing these things does not guarantee success or happiness either.
I love spring. I love the evenings that are not dark. I love the warmth of the sun. I love seeing things come up in my flowerbeds. I love the memories of evening bike rides as a kid on warm spring evenings. I love not needing to put on several layers just to step outside. I love the energy and sense of renewal that seems to come with this time of year.
One of my words for 2024 is delight. My intent was to notice and acknowledge the delight that is all around me. It’s only April, barely 4 months into the year, and at times I forget about my words for 2024. The arrival of spring has reminded me, not only of my word and intent, but also that delight is all around us.
Many of us are familiar with the idea of putting the big rocks (aka the important things) into our life and schedule first. The jar is only so big (aka we only have a specific amount of time) and the big rocks theory says that in fit everything in to the jar we need to put the big rocks in first, not all the little things (that is the smaller stones and sand in the picture above). If you are not familiar with the big rocks idea here is the link to a short video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAzMGtJypsE .
The big rocks idea has truth in it. You can fit more things into the jar if you start with the big things first, as the little things will fit in around the big rocks. There is merit in making sure that what you have decided is important gets the time and attention it requires in your life.
There are alternatives to the big rock approach. What if you had fewer rocks? What if there was less small stones? How might you reduce the amount of sand?
Everything can fit into the jar. But if the jar is pretty much full to the top, adding in another smaller rock often means backing up and adjusting what you put in when and how. Some days it takes a lot of adjusting, rejigging, and brain power to coordinate and plan to ensure everything fits in the jar. This can be mentally exhausting. A different approach is to put the work into reducing the number or volume of things you are trying to fit into the jar. If you do this, you might be able to avoid the on-going and frequent energy required to rejig and adjust.
What rocks, big or small, do you need to take out of your jar? What gravel or sand can be eliminated? Would reducing the number and/or amount of things in your life be more effective for you than focusing on putting the big rocks in first?
I, like many in our society, am very focused on “doing”. I like to feel like I accomplished something. I ask people what they are doing? I make a list of things to do and don’t like it when not everything is checked off. I am focused on productivity.
A preoccupation with productivity and doing is really hard to break. Some days I feel okay about justifying to myself that its okay to be less productive (But notice I didn’t say I’m okay with a day of non-productivity, just less productivity). And yet on a cognitive level I truly believe and value that we don’t always have to be doing or achieving something, or checking something off a list.
I wonder how I could shift my thinking and my conversations to be less about doing and more about being. How might my sense of happiness and peace change if I focused less on being productive every minute of the day. What the ways you mitigate our society’s preoccupation with doing in your life?
The thing kids do all the time is try new things. They are trying new things because their bodies are growing and developing and they gain new skills. They are trying new things because our schools are designed to teach new ideas. They are trying new things because for the most part they are less concerned about what others think. They are trying new things because as part of constantly learning and trying they are much more used to not being perfect and trying again.
When was the last time you tried something new? Even better when was the last time you tried something new that you weren’t confident you would be good at? And even better still when was the last time you tried something new you weren’t confident you would be good at and others were there to see you try?
Last week I went to a Zumba class for the first time ever. There were lots of people there. I predicted I would not be particularly good at it, and I wasn’t. But I kept moving the entire time, and I smiled when I messed up, and I made up the steps when needed. The entire experience went fine and maybe I could even say it was enjoyable. You know what helped it be enjoyable? – Telling myself in advance it didn’t matter if I was any good at it. Telling myself I was there to move and be active and try something new and it didn’t matter if people were watching. Telling myself that kids do stuff like this all the time and some parts of being like a kid a worth holding onto.
It’s been many years since I was first introduced to the idea of having a word for the year. When I first heard about it, I didn’t think it was for me. But for the first time this year, 2024, I have chosen not one, but two words which I hope will guide and direct my year.
In some ways, have a word (or words) is a bit like writing down goals, they can help remind you of things you hope to achieve. And yet I think have a word is easier, for a couple of reasons (1) it’s easy to remember one (or two) words than it is to remember a list of goals and (2) it allows you to seize the moments throughout the year that fit with your word. Of course I’m not even 2 months into the year, so perhaps in a few more weeks or months I will have a different perspective.
As stated in the title of this post, one of my words for 2024 is delight. It a reminder to me to take notice of the moments of delight both big and small. What I particularly like about the word delight, is that I can’t even say the word without a smile naturally coming to my face. In addition to the small smile, I’m trying to also hold up my finger (like I’m pointing) and say delight when I see it or experience it. This was something the person who I first heard talk about delight suggest doing and it also seems to add some whimsy to the entire thing.
I’m noticing that many of my moments of delight so far this year have to do with sunshine. But other things have included a great trip/vacation, sitting in the hot tub enjoying an afternoon drink, going for a run (which I never want to do, but really does feel good when I do it), a phone chat with a friend, and the list goes on.
My hope is that by making delight my word for 2024, I get into the habit of acknowledging and naming where there is goodness and happiness in my life.
What has given you delight this year?
It’s easy to forget that everyone experiences the world differently. To forget that everyone’s current lens on the world and on life is unique to themselves.
Similarly it’s easy to think that what we are hearing about, reading about, thinking about, are the same things that others are hearing about, reading about, and thinking about.
But just like the algorithm that is influencing what shows up on our social media accounts is unique to each of us, so too is what we feeling and thinking and hearing and doing unique to each of us.
I could suggest you ask someone else what’s showing up in their social media feed these days, but even better, ask someone what’s going on in their head, in their life, or in their world. I’m confident you will be surprised by how it’s different from your own.
There are lots of things that add joy to my life. Laughter, Friendship, a good book, being in my backyard, sunshine… the list goes on an on. And if we compared lists, I bet for there would be lots of similarities in the different people’s lists.
All these things are great and they do add joy to my life. But I wonder if we might find even more joy if we got more specific and/or less traditional in our joy lists. I love my backyard, but it’s the new roof and furniture on my deck that really uped my joy factor in 2023. Other things that added joy this year included getting a new central vacuum head and converting our wood furnace to geothermal. Both of these things had a big impact on some activities of daily living for people in my house.
While I am pretty good at focusing on simple sources of joy, it’s really hit me this past year that sometimes we need to invest in things that will increase those simple sources of daily moments of joy. Which is why when asked to say one thing that brought me joy in 2023 and write it on a Christmas ornament, the answer was my chicken hawk. Really called a poultry hawk, which is basically a wagon on a ceiling track that moves through the barn and into which I can put dead chickens. It’s been life changing!
How might thinking about sources of joy more specifically or in less traditional ways help you identify and celebrate the joy in your life?
A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to abandon a knitting project. It was a sweater. I had picked the pattern and cast on the stitches last spring. Then it sat. It sat because I knit less in the summer. It sat because I couldn’t figure out row 2. And even once I almost understood row 2, it sat because many of the next rows didn’t make sense to me. It sat because the pattern was a but tricky for me to understand and follow. And then months later, I made the decision to stop trying to knit this particular sweater.
As part of this entire experience, I realized that for me knitting is not supposed to be a challenge. It’s not meant to be hard, it’s meant to be an enjoyable hobby I do while watching TV for a hour in the evenings. There are many times and situations where we do need to push ourselves to do things that are hard. There are lots of places and experiences in our lives where we can seize the opportunity to grow and develop. And it’s important to remember that not everything needs to be about growing and learning and challenging ourselves. It’s also good to have things in our lives that come easy and that are pure enjoyment.
So I ripped out the single row I had knit. I picked a new pattern, one that I can understand. And I’ve started a new sweater project with the yarn I had. So far it’s been great and I’m happily making progress on the collar. Because not everything needs to be about growth.
Yesterday I did my first ever solo hike on the Bruce Trail. And it has me wondering why I have never done it before now. I’m sure it helped that the weather was perfect – sunny and not to hot. And that the trail conditions turned out to be lovely – not too many ups and downs or too much big stepping and just the right amount of road walking to ensure I met my time goal. And that I didn’t let my mind spend to much time before or during the hike thinking about the stuff that scares me (I think having an audio book to listen to while hiking also helped with this).
I did about 11 km in Owen Sound, hiking south to finish at Inglis Falls which was a easy place for my driver (aka Mom) to pick me up at the end. Even though I was in an urban area, I only saw one set of hikers, and the lady getting her mail who told me to be careful along her road. I found a beautiful spot overlooking part of the city with a view of the bay to stop and eat my lunch. And it reminisce about the time years ago when I had been a Jones Falls (which is not really much of falls – see the picture of the ‘creek’ below). Overall a great day. And I can find people willing to drive (to solve the logistics of getting from the start to the car or the finish to the car), I will solo hike more.
Under the Sky 